No decisions made as yet. Kurt's assuring me that changes will be made; mountains will be moved.
I still don't know what I think about the whole situation.
So there you are.
Part of my problem is I haven't really found a way to deal with my frustration/hurt feelings/sadness/isolation -- whatever it is that you want to call it.
I almost wish I were a compulsive eater because then I at least would have some kind of outlet. Unfortunately, it's usually hard for me to remember to eat on a good day. Ask my sister -- she's constantly making sure I'm eating.
One would think I'd be skinny with the way I eat, but that's a whole 'nother story.
I know there are a ton of people out there willing to listen to me. My problem is that doesn't really help me. I always think I'm a burden when I share my problems with them, and also very few people can relate to my situation. Kurt had his boss's wife call me yesterday, and while we commiserated about this retarded ship, it wasn't quite as helpful as it may have been because Kurt's boss lives on board five days a week. He lives way too far away to drive each day. This insane working schedule hasn't really affected them that much since he doesn't normally come home anyhow. In fact, I don't think the wife knew they were going out to sea for three days this week, next week, and the following week. It sounded like news to her.
I guess he just doesn't tell her when they're underway because it doesn't affect them anyhow.
Must be nice.
Besides, I honestly hate talking about my problems. I think part of it goes back to when I was a kid, and I had some major issues back when I was a kid -- but my parents didn't realize how serious my problems were and so didn't listen. Time after time I tried to talk to my stepmom about what was going on, and either I was told to ignore the bullies at school, or I realized she wasn't listening to me when she started gesturing violently.
I love my stepmother dearly, but one thing that completely cracks me up about her is when she's pissed off about something, she ends up muttering to herself and gesturing violently, as though she's actually tearing the person she's mad at a new butthole in person. She gets into her own little world. It's quite funny.
Well, when you're not trying to talk to her, that is.
So anyhow... since no one ever really listened to me when I was a kid, was it any wonder that I sucked my thumb till I was 16??
Yeah, I didn't think so.
Oh, and the nail-biting. Anyone want to place a bet on how short my nails are at the moment?? Whoever said, "non-existent" and/or "bit to the quick" wins! Actually I have three nails with some white showing on them -- my two middle fingernails and my left thumbnail. But they're seriously short, down to the point where a normal nail-biter would bite them.
All the rest are so short they bled when I got them down that far.
But I was talking about not having an outlet. I'm the type of person that carries it all inside anyhow. The only person I really ever do vent totally to is Kurt... and since the problem involves him, I'm sort of stuck here. I guess it's because he's the only person not related to me that I know won't leave me if I tell him what's going on with me.
Here is one of my current options: The drop-dead date for the move is July 2007. Kurt clarified that for sure today, which is awesome because it could have been October 2007. Yuck. So I can stick around and wait for the Navy to pay for my move. It's an option.
At any rate, today wasn't too bad a day, truth be told. First off, Caroline called me, and even though we only chatted about the cute things our daughters were doing, it totally took my mind off things and cheered me up. Also for some reason I have been motivated to do things around here. I've been busy, too busy to obsess about what's going on. This is a good thing. For lunch my neighbor brought her daughter over, who has seemed to adopt Gracie as the little sister she never had (she's an only child). It was so hilarious watching the two of them together.
You should look at the photos up at the Flickr site (click on the badge to the left). They'll crack you up!