My stress over the career fair has morphed into stress over a computer graphics program that's due midnight on Thursday. Right now it does jack and shit (to quote my favourite FT). At this precise moment in time, however, my pulse isn't racing and my blood pressure has gone down. Great thanks for small miracles, or however that phrase goes.
I guess my mood now results from the fact that my roommate got home from the library, and sometimes just her sheer presence at the computer next to me or simply just playing with her hamster is reassuring. Weird, I know. Just one of my little quirks. But she always makes me feel better about life in general, so I guess that's why I'm so comforted by it.
Also, I can bitch to her about how much I have to do, since she's going through it too, but worse, unfortunately. She has way more to do than me. But she's not flipping out like I was this afternoon, so I strive to be like her.
Tonight was bad... I was in my suitemates' room talking to them about my blood pressure being up, my stomach being queasy, my pulse racing... Not good things. I even called Kurt, even though he'd gone to bed after taking Nyquil because he felt really sick. I felt horribly about waking him up, but I had to talk to someone....
WOW!! Talk about deja vu all over again. My freshman year, I freaked out about Biology for Majors, since I was going to be a bio major (unlike my roommate, I got out of that trap!! *wink*). I hadn't gone to a lot of the lectures, hadn't cracked the book, and I had failed the second exam. I had no discipline to go to that class because it didn't make any sense -- through no fault of the professor. The bio professor for that class is amazing!!! He is hella rad.
But I digress. Ahem.
So I was really stressed out the night before the exam, afraid that I was going to fail the class, which would have been bad because I took a class from Satan himself that semester and failed that. I had a bad first semester in college... Anyhow, so who did I call? My boyfriend at the time, crying my eyes out, and just wanting a hug from him. Just needing reassurance from the person I cared about most at the time.
And tonight I did the same thing. Not that it's a bad thing, except when said boyfriend is sick and you wake him up after he's been asleep for a couple of hours, because then you feel guilty even when he tells you that it's ok because you're more important. (How's THAT for a run-on sentence?!)
When I get really stressed, it comes out in physical form. But writing this entry has really helped me, very therapeutic.
Another thing that helped was this hilarious site that my mother sent to me in an email. It's great -- go check it out! :o)
But visiting that site made me want to have some great 70s rock going on in the background... and I got all sad till I remembered that I had bought Best of the 70s Superstars at Best Buy this summer. WOO HOO!! Santana, Sugarloaf, Styx, Boston... how much better could it get??
Quite better, actually. Then I decided to check the status of my cash online, since I've been HORRIBLE about keeping my checkbook balanced, for the first time since I've had it. I just don't want to know how much money I'm spending. :o) I knew I had a deposit since the last time I pulled out $20, the balance was higher than I expected, but I figured the library here at school had finally paid me.
Well, they haven't. I don't understand what's up with that yet, but we'll see. So where did this random cash come from?? From the store that I worked at this summer!! Not too much, nothing like the paychecks I'd pull in for full-time, but what am I doing getting this money a month and twelve days after my last day there?! I got my last paycheck two weeks after I "quit" (I'm still on the payroll in case I want to work over Christmas break) -- I shouldn't be getting any more money. I'm going to wait till tomorrow night or so and call Fouzi, since he's my favourite cash office worker. I could have gotten a bonus... but that just sounds so odd.
And it's not my bank getting the store, where I worked this summer, and the library, where I work now, mixed up (ain't direct deposit grand?!). There is simply no possibility that the amount that got deposited would be my paycheck -- not for 15 hours at barely over minimum wage.
So it's a mystery. YOU figure it out... I can't! :o) But it's the best thing to happen to me today! FREE MONEY!