I understand that Kurt is in the Navy, and his Navy job is what allows me to stay home with Grace. But at this moment in time, I really do wish he worked for a civilian company. Maybe then I'd actually have a partner.
Poor guy, it's totally not his fault. And if he could choose where he was at any given time, I know he would choose to be home with me. But I haven't really gotten to spend any kind of time with him since Grace was born. I don't mind spending time with the three of us all together since we're a family, but now it seems to be just Grace and me.
(Did you know that "All Along the Watchtower" was written by Bob Dylan and covered by Jimi Hendrix?!? You learn something new every day!!!)
I just would like to settle in some kind of schedule with the three of us learning how to be a family. It's just not happening. Ten days after Grace was born, Kurt had to go to San Diego with his ship. He returned the Friday before Thanksgiving, but his parents arrived the very next Monday to spend the holiday with us. Then they went home to Tucson again, but Kurt had duty on Saturday, which pretty much shot the weekend. He had to work all week this past week -- and now he is on duty across the water, and tomorrow his ship goes on deployment for the weekend. His mother is in town for her job, so I'll get to see her this weekend. Kurt's home up until the first leave period begins, but with his ship not letting anyone off until 3pm on the dot, it takes him at least two hours to get home from work due to the ferry schedules. So he leaves at 4:45am, gets home around 5:15pm, eats, plays with Grace, and goes to sleep.
We leave for Tucson on the 20th and return on the 26th, and I was really looking forward to the second half of holiday stand-down. Kurt only has to go in for his duty day every three days, so I thought we'd get some good family time in. But now we've found out my mother-in-law will be back in Seattle the day after we return from Tucson, which means she'll be over here a lot. The week after she goes back to Tucson, he leaves again for a three-week deployment down to San Diego.
I love my husband's family, but after spending all this time with them, I will really be tired of them. Plus my in-laws are the type of grandparents who won't acknowledge that the research regarding raising a baby changes at least every ten years, so they figure how they raised their boys should be good enough for Grace. But the thing is, *I* am Grace's mom, and Kurt is her dad. So we should be the ones making the decisions. I don't want to see them rolling their eyes at me when I swaddle her up or put cloth diapers on her, or tell me I should be feeding her every time she makes a peep.
That's what was so wonderful about having my stepmom come to visit. She was so thoughtful about letting me be the mommy. If she thought something should be done a certain way, she either kept her thoughts to herself or suggested it very nicely. She always asked me how I wanted to have something done and never argued with me. I asked her for advice a lot because she raised my brother, but I was comfortable asking her for help because she was so nice about letting me be in charge. I could live with her quite well, I think. :o)
So I would just like to see Kurt a little more. It's getting to be a pretty big strain on us. And I miss him! We're so used to spending all our time together, and now there just isn't any time for all of us together. I can't wait till he goes back on shore duty in 2008. It can't come soon enough.