Bowling and panties... now THERE'S an interesting combo. And oh, how relevant. :o) I liked Liad's comments on people as old and loved pairs of panties. It may SOUND gross, but really, she makes a good argument. "In some ways - we are all pairs of panties. We all have our own little frays and stains, but we're still that same old lovable pair of panties - you know, the kind you wear for ten years and can't bear to throw away," she writes. I understand this completely, with my penchant for undies. However, I had a panty death today.... one of my newest pairs of Victoria's Secret undies met with death in the washer... and I mourned the loss. To really see into my brain, you should look in my lingerie drawer. My need to have many different pairs of panties for all different moods may reflect my inability to show people the Real Me, to let go in front of my friends and not hide behind one of my many masks. ::sigh:: But the cool thing I realized this weekend... I still have my friends. Even though I see them but rarely now because I'm gone every weekend, a fact that I feel supremely guilty on occasion. I also want to thank my lucky stars (and all my friends) for accepting Kurt, for letting him come along. It means a great deal to me....

Yeah, bowling was great, wasn't it? I think Nerdygrrl and I did a damn good job of frightening rednecks... Maybe that should be an Olympic sport like synchronized napping. :o) But the reason I bowled so well was pure luck. My friend has skill... She just may have had an off night. My bowling was all pure luck, and wasn't worth competing with. I just throw the ball down there and hope I get some pins down. I didn't mean for things to get competitive....

o0o0o good song... the English version of 99 Red Balloons. How very 80s!!

Then I think of Kurt and I get scared. I don't really know what's going on in his head. He tells me things I'm not sure I understand. He hints about things, but I can't tell if he's joking or not. I'm afraid that he loves me as much as he says he does. I'm afraid he doesn't love me as much as he says he does. I'm afraid to just let myself go at times and just love him absolutely. I'm afraid with how much I love him. I started crying tonight while he was here, thinking of our impending separation for three months this summer. I wish I could spend the summer living with him... When I'm with him, I feel so much better with himself. I don't have to pretend I'm someone I'm not. I'm his Pretty Lady, and he loves me. But it's so much different from anyone else I've dated. I'm so much on my guard against his hurting me like others have hurt me, but I know he won't. It's just the oddest situation.... I'm also afraid to tell him how much I care about him. I don't want him to leave, thinking I've got wedding menus hidden in my drawer.... Such an odd situation......