Today was one of those supremely odd Virginia spring days... where the sun is shining but the breeze is blowing, so it's wonderfully warm in places while in others it's a bit chilly still. That's a pretty good analogy of my karma right now... karma being defined by me as the state of my emotions. Things just aren't going as well as I would like... There are things going on I don't understand at all.

I should have been an English major. I would have loved it... I love reading and even papers are fun. But Dad was an English major, and he didn't want me to follow him. He wanted me to major in something I could easily use for employment, hence computer science. I hate what people say when I tell them... they look at me knowingly and say, "You'll make some good cash at that." That's not why I did it. My father has been fascinated by computers since he found out about them, and he's passed on the fascination to me. Now as a webmaster for the Navy, he loves telling his friends and colleagues that his daughter is a computer science major. So I guess it was somewhat of a pride issue. I wanted my dad to be proud of me. The other reason I chose computer science was because I took the intro class just to have something to take, and I met all these really awesome people. And some of us made a pact to stick it out... Granted those people are now gone their separate ways, but it seemed to be a good idea at the time. I won't pretend that I chose computer science without an eye towards employment, but I did not choose it so I could make a zillion dollars. I don't have the ambition for that. Fact of the matter is, I HAVE no ambition. It suits me fine, but the pressure from my father to make something major of myself (I think he'd like to see me a CEO) is too great. I just don't know where my life is headed.... All I want to do is get a job where I can live comfortably, have a decent car, and a nice apartment. I'm not looking to be able to afford the Watergate... just somewhere near enough my parents' house to see my little brother often enough that he knows what it's like to have a sister.

Now it looks like all sorts of high-tech companies are hiring English majors. But there still exists the stigma of English majors as being slackers. I don't understand why... my friend Mike is one and he's ALWAYS working on yet another paper. And me, as a comp sci major, I slack off much more than he does. Not having programming classes this semester is GREAT! I don't know... things will work out but as a junior, I'm scared. Isn't everyone?! :o)