bluesleepy. Get yours at flagrantdisregard.com/flickr
07 April 2007

Missing Kurt more and more
Ever since I found out that Kurt's coming home two weeks earlier than previously anticipated, I haven't been able to get him out of my head.

That last photo he sent me that I posted here didn't help much either.

The only way I get through these long deployments is to try my best to put him out of my head. Obviously I don't forget about him; he's Grace's daddy and my husband, and I take those things very seriously. But if I can manage to put him in the back of my brain, then it makes the time go by at a reasonable rate, and I don't ache as badly.

It took me a while to figure this out. During our first deployment together, back in April 2003 when the war had first started and we'd just moved here to Washington, I was thinking about him all the time. I cried a lot, too. We'd only been married a year and a half, and I missed him.

While Kurt was in school during my pregnancy with Grace, it wasn't too bad since he was only in Illinois, and I could call him whenever I wanted to. If I couldn't find the screwdriver, he could tell me where he'd left it last. If I got bored and needed to hear from him, I could at least listen to his voicemail message and tell him to call me when he got out of school.

While he was in Asia and Australia on the last deployment in 2005, I had Grace to take care of. She's a lot more company now, being able to talk to me and play with me, but then she needed a lot more help. She kept me busy enough that I didn't really have time to miss him, and before I knew it, he was home again. I really missed him on her first birthday, but my friends came over to celebrate. Kurt also managed to call right when we were singing Grace "Happy Birthday," so he sang to her as well.

Dad called from overseas just to help us sing Happy Birthday!

This deployment I've managed to keep busy with Grace. Between my friend AS, who keeps calling so Grace can play with her little friend on the gorgeous days we've been having, my new friend CD whom I hope to hang out with more, and my two neighbors, I've been mostly too busy to think about Kurt.

Ever since his homecoming date got moved back, Kurt's been moved back up in my brain, away from the dark and dusty corners. I find myself thinking about June, that it's only eight weeks away. That it's only four more times of having to take the recyclables to the curb. That it's only three or four more commissary runs. That it's only four more paychecks and two more mortgage payments away. Every time my brain goes into standby mode, Kurt or his homecoming pops up.

Should I get a new dress? Should I wear my new shoes? What should Grace wear? Will I meet the ship on the pier? Will the weather be nice? Will it be warm or cool? Will Kurt be one of the first off the ship? Will I have to wait a while before he can leave? Can he fly home from San Diego a couple of days early?

Those questions are just on a never-ending loop in my brain. They just go round and round and round, and I just miss Kurt more and more and more.

But fortunately it's only eight more weeks. I've managed to get through seventeen weeks already, so I'm doing good. And with the weather getting nicer and nicer (yay spring!), I'll be able to keep myself so busy that the time will fly.

That's my goal.




previous * next