I know that we chose for Kurt to re-enlist last October, and I know that I chose to marry a sailor. But it doesn't make it any easier when he's gone for such a long time, and especially when it's our very first deployment together. We didn't get to ease into it with a week here and a month there -- our first deployment, he's gone for seven months.
That's over half a year.
My problem now is time has completely slowed down. It seems now that in the time it used to take for a month to elapse, only one day goes by. I have been patiently waiting for Sunday to move slowly towards Wednesday, because Sunday marked one calendar month to go until his return, while Wednesday is four weeks left to go. And it seems that back in May three weeks would have elapsed in the time it's taken to get through three days.
And the sad part is I've been busy even still.
I told myself back in the last week of September I would only look toward October 12th. That's our second wedding anniversary, and J is taking me to Seattle to watch the Seahawks game in one of the bars downtown. The original plan was to actually go to the Seahawks game, but while the only seats left were absolutely fabulous (50 yard line, second deck), they were also prohibitively expensive. I know I can do a lot more for $300 than go to an NFL football game.
I wanted only to look toward October 12th because that would be only three weeks from my starting point, and after October 12th it would only been three weeks till Kurt's return. But this week, from October 5th to the 12th, is crawling by so excrutiatingly slowly. I don't know how I'm going to get through the last three weeks after that.
I do worry about his return, at the same time. It would have been nice to have won First Kiss, but alas, my name was not drawn. So then I worry about how long it's going to take him to get off the ship, and then will he have duty and have to go right back on board? Will he be able to come home with me or will I have to spend yet another night alone?
And my worries move past his arrival and focus on how we're going to get along. I've been alone in this house for so long I know where everything is and I know where everything goes. My personality is such that I like everything organized and immaculate, and Kurt's personality doesn't follow along the same lines. I'm going to have to learn how to live with him again, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty the first time we learned how to deal with one another -- and I can lay the blame for that square on my own shoulders.
Then again, that time I moved into his home, and now we're setting up OUR home, so that might make a difference, I don't know.
I'm so used to my own routine and things I like to do. I don't have to share the remote now -- I can watch whatever tv shows I want to. I don't have to share the computer, I don't have to share the bed, I don't have to share anything. I don't have to worry about Kurt being in the bathroom when I need to get in there to finish my morning routine.
But at the same time, now I won't have to do everything myself. I don't think I'll be one of those wives that will hate to relinquish the responsibility of everything to her husband upon his return. That doesn't mean that Kurt will get to do everything once he gets home -- it means that I will feel better knowing that I have the option to leave it to him if I don't feel like dealing with it. I like to do things around the house, but I also like having him to back me up.
Now I won't have to eat dinner every night alone, and I won't have to cook! I probably still will cook since Kurt will again have a "real" job and not a slack, shore duty job, but now I'll have someone to cook for and enjoy my cooking.
Mainly I'll just be glad to have my best friend back. I'll have my #1 fan back in my corner rooting for me. And that more than makes up for any little problems we will run into learning how to deal with one another again.
I'll be glad to have my husband home again.