Ahem.
I am so g-d'ed giddy right now it's not even funny. (Yes I censored myself -- I wanted to say the g-d word but my sister would shake her finger at me. Therefore, voluntary censoring. More on that later.) Lately I have been massively stressed out. And to those who have been putting up with me, namely FT and Stina, I supremely appreciate your not banging me upside the head with the nearest two-by-four. Or with my own arm, take your pick. Oh, and I appreciate my momma sending me all sorts of funny emails, and lots of e-hugs.
Tonight I finished writing up my code for my graphics class, and I went to the lab after my meeting to work out some bugs. When I got into the lab, I was still stressed out -- elevated heart rate, massive pressure on my chest, queasiness in my stomach... All the rest. Then I sat down and started working out the errors. I never thought I'd get them all out of the way, but I had the help of a person who was able to troubleshoot them. So then I was able to run my program, and things didn't work, but instead of getting upset about them, I patiently worked my way through several of them. This is where the giddiness comes from... the fact that I CAN do it! Now I just have to do fairly well on my graphics midterm next week. :o)
So about this voluntary censoring... This is an issue that I've seen bandied about in various diaries. Yes, I admit that I censor myself. There are things that I don't talk about because I don't want people that I know in real life to be upset. There are things in my life that are too personal to share, even in this "anonymous" setting. I'm not being any less honest, just more careful. And I'm not upset about censoring myself; I'm just personally not comfortable revealing all. So I guess I give only a glimpse of myself. It's enough. :o)
I'm listening to my Joan Osborne CD, for the first time in YEARS. Every time I hear "One of Us," the image that comes to mind is driving down the road next to the highway near my house, coming back from the commissary or something like that, with my stepmom. And the entire CD brings back images of high school... particularly of my junior year, I think it would be. (Swiss-cheese memory kicking in again.... *sigh*.) For some reason, I keep getting the image of this store that my friends and I would hang out back in the day.
This store was called RPG Solutions, and yes, RPG as in role-playing games. My friends back in high school were nerds, just like me. They loved role-playing games and Warhammer 40,000 (a game played with miniature creatures on a landscaped surface), and I didn't get into it, just painting the miniatures. So on Saturdays I'd get my parents to truck me and my boyfriend over there (neither he nor his mother had a car), and we'd spend most of the day there. I'd paint and learn from the "experts," and every once in a while we'd have an RPG -- usually Dungeons & Dragons since Ben had taken the Cyberpunk stuff to Hong Kong with him. I never played, just sat next to my bf, who was the DM.
Sometimes I'd even bring my Magic cards. Yes, in high school, I played Magic: The Gathering. I got all my cards from my bf, who had, along with his mother, over 10,000 cards. We spent our lunch hours playing Magic... Most of us brought our lunch to school (my stepmom packed mine, which is rather surprising), and so we'd sit in our school's sports lobby and play as we ate. I had a fairly good speed deck, but I ALWAYS lost to this kid Mike. And I'd play Ken too... It was about the only time that we could get Ken to talk. :o) He was quite shy.
Hehehe... cute story about Ken. Ken played trombone in the school band. He was also very shy, very quiet, very easy to overlook. But I always liked him -- he was kind and gentle. We used to razz him since he played the trombone, and we'd call him Boner which embarrassed the living daylights out of him. He and I both played in the pit orchestra for South Pacific, and I saw him outside in the lobby after the show... and I almost screamed, "BONER!!!" It would have been bad -- his father was standing next to him. Heh.
Weird thoughts coming to mind now...
So I have been rejected for a bunch of companies not wanting to interview me, but I have been accepted for three more interviews. I was worried for a while that I just suck since I've gotten so much rejection, but I feel better about the whole thing. Besides, as folks keep reminding me, I have plenty of time to find something.
So Karyl, what is your ideal job?? I'd like to do something computer-y for a small firm or a business, something not related to programming, but just using them in general. I would like to get some sort of IT certification also, at least my A+ if not whole-hog MCSE. My bf, being in the Navy, gets it free of charge. Bastard. :o) Or another ideal job would be in the consulting business... but a SMALL consulting firm. I'm not about huge companies. I know they can provide me with better stability and whatnot, but I would feel more comfortable knowing more folks in my company than just those that work in the immediate area. Or I could be a secretary, or an office manager, or an office assistant... I think it'd be interesting, I really do. So WHY did I put in that application for programming?! Well, it's with a company I was interested in... *sigh*.
Or maybe I'll live in a box in NYC. Hehehe. In a big refrigerator box. Exxxxcellent. *wink*
"What if God was one of us / Just a slob like one of us / Just a stranger on the bus / Trying to make his way home / Nobody calling on the phone / Except for the Pope maybe in Rome..." (Joan Osborne, One of Us)
Ponder the imponderable.