Stopped me dead in my tracks, she did. I was able to believe she said that only because she ALWAYS says that, each and every summer, near August. You see, my stepmom isn't that thrilled with me being her daughter. It all has to do with the biological factor and the fact that she and I share no genes. And, I'm "Kathryn's daughter!" (said in a very snide, sarcastic manner.) It doesn't matter that my mother now goes by Katie.
So my problem is that every time I make some sort of overture to her, she slaps me down. One day, we'll be getting along great, like going to the commissary shopping (no case sales for me this year, thank GOD!), or she'll take me to work and we'll listen to the psycho morning dj on the classical station. The next day, I'll do something where she'll hate me. She'll remind me I'm not her real daughter, that I'm Kathryn's daughter, that she can't wait for me to leave... It's the whole thing that I mentioned earlier, about being a loving puppy who only wants love. I keep loving her, keep trying to please her. And I am repaid with swift kicks to the ego, to my heart, to my soul.
I'm tired of trying to please her. I finally told Dad yesterday that Marty doesn't like me. Flat out. She doesn't like me. Dad always says, "She loves you in her own way." I don't remember the last time she told me she loves me. I don't think she does. She may love me out of duty, but you don't have to like the ones you love, if that makes sense. She just plain doesn't like me.
I've never been enough for her. All my accomplishments mean nothing because I'm not hers. None of her genes went into making me. I'm corrupted because I'm Kathryn's daughter, and she always wants me to believe I was as crazy as my grandmother. It kind of sucks when the woman who's raised you since you were six years old tries desperately to make you think you're mentally ill and need serious treatment immediately... And all the while she's not quite stable herself...
::sigh::
Speaking of family, my sister is here visiting, which is why I haven't been updating lately. Having Michele here is quite lovely. We haven't always gotten along, but as we've gotten older we've gotten more tolerant of one another's quirks, and we've become a lot closer. Now if only she lived closer... :o)
We were watching old home videos tonight, Michele, her husband Ben and I. We saw such funny things -- Michele and me jumping on a trampoline on the beach on Lake Michigan way back in '87, giggling and having a wonderful time. The dog we had for all of two weeks that summer whose name was Fred. The live-in housekeeper Pam that was with us for a few years. The Datsun my stepmom had at the time... SO beat up! :o) Michele and her best friend Melissa horsing around in the kitchen, posing for the camera. My cousin Aubrey and I chasing the waves of Lake Michigan while her brother Brett was just a baby, toddling his way towards the water. The van, the vehicle I drive now, when it was only a year old and free of all the dents and bang-ups my stepmom has caused in its sides and fronts. It was just all too funny... :o)
Oh, and by the way, Angela, I would have LOVED to have been at that Savage Garden concert!! We would have had a blast!!! :o) Heh.