I'm also confused on what I want. I see two paths stretching ahead of me... and I'm at the fork in the road. Neither path will guarantee happiness. One path seems more carefree, but it could also lead to loneliness. The other frees me from the worry of being lonely, but that path could lead to chains holding me down. At this stage in my life, it may be better to let my soul fly free... but I'm not certain on that. And it's hard to risk everything when the outcome is not guaranteed.... I need to ruminate on this more and let ideas swirl around and ferment. Maybe I'll have an epiphany.
If I could choose to become anything, I think I would become a river. Most of the time, rivers simply flow to the ocean, sometimes sluggish, sometimes fast... Rain falls gently on the surface of the water, fish dance in the sunlight streaming through to the top layer, small animals come to lap up refreshment at the banks of the river. A blue-green ribbon winds gently through the green countryside. But River has an evil side. The storm comes, the river becomes muddy and brown, and the water races at breakneck speed, tearing chunks from the peace-loving banks, capturing luckless animals who cannot escape while thunder booms and lightning illuminates the angry sky. But then... slowly... the storm passes, and peace reigns once more. Rainbows play in the dew of the leaves of the overhanging tree limbs, the animals wander cautiously down to the banks again, and fish emerge from their hiding places in the deepest parts of the river. And again, River is life-giving and kind, like a mother.
Don't ask me where all this has come from. I'm just flowing through life right now, just like River. Just trying to stay calm... stay awake... stay sane....
Take care of yourselves. The usual witty, amusing BlueSleepy will be back at some later date.